new year, more thoughts

Happy 2012 everyone! I hope you all had a safe, restful, and fun holiday season. I am heading back to the Big Apple this evening, and while that should be the most exciting thing in the world, my reluctance to leave my friends, family, and cozy house behind is trumping that excitement. I am, however, trying to be a brave adult and think of the people I am thrilled to be able to see upon my return to NYC, and the beautiful places to go that can only be found in the city that never sleeps. This positive attitude alongside my melancholy heart is quite an odd emotional sensation. This will be brief, but I wanted to get a few thoughts out there. The next entry will be a fun exploration of Christmas with the Carsons - a commentary on the many years of celebration and weird traditions in my household.

I am not one for a long list of New Years resolutions. Obviously, there are many things I want to work on, that I want to change or better about myself, but I think that should be started and maintained any time of the year - and changes are difficult. I don't like writing a huge list and feeling guilty about what I haven't done. Haha...that sounds really optimistic... But I have two very important changes, or improvements, I want to make this year, and I think they might be useful to share.

1.) I want to listen to myself. What do I really want? How do I really feel? What makes me happy? What makes me unhappy? Rather than doing what I think everyone else thinks I should do, or feel the way I'm supposed to feel, I need to dig deep and figure out my needs. I am forever worried about being selfish, but I think we all need to be selfish to a certain degree. It does not matter what others think about my life. It is my life. Investing in my own happiness will only make me a better person in mind, heart, and spirit. I need to know what I want without feeling guilty or worried about making mistakes. Making mistakes is inevitable. Believe me, this resolution will be a challenge for me, but I'm hoping for the best.

2.) I want to stop comparing myself to other people. Whether they are people I know, or people I don't know, the only person I can be is me.

That being said (written?), I wish you all a happy and successful start to your new year, and I look forward to more thoughts and reflections as time goes by. Please do not hesitate to comment! I love to know what others are thinking.

[amanda]