[oh there's no place like home for the holidays...]

So, I have left the rambunctious holiday crowds of New York City for the serene, calm lands of the Midwest. I love being home with my family. While our homes have not been the same throughout my 26 years of life, each home has carried the same essence and feeling of warmth, love, and comfort. I think we have all done a good job at keeping this tranquil familiarity, but the real award would go to my mom, who has the amazing ability to make us feel like we belong in each house, that each one could be a place we've spent our entire lives, one that we will never want to leave, but know that we will be okay if we do because the next one will be just as grand and lovely for different reasons.

When I leave New York to visit the Midwest, I'm always afraid that I'll never want to go back, that I'll want to run to the open arms of my parents and become a child again and live with them forever. While I do wish it would be possible to rewind life and relive favorite times (I am extremely nostalgic and suffer from a severe case of Peter-Pan Syndrome), returning to the Midwest has always been bittersweet - it is wonderful to come back and take a break, but I also realize that I don't belong here right now, that I belong where I am. It's reassuring to feel this way...I think it's the way I'd like to feel, but of course I still over-think these combatting emotions.

One thing that boggles my mind when I am in a car in any area is the realization that there are SO many people in this world, and they serve so many purposes. It's hard for me to put this into words, it may end up sounding stupid, but work with me here. For example, there is this kind of sketchy, old, random small grocery store at the end of the street near my house called Peter's. Now, I would not like to work at Peter's, I don't want to run a store on the corner of 51st Street and College Ave in Southern Milwaukee; however, someone has to. There need to be enough people to staff that little store, and people to shop there, and this is just one of many tiny places like this in the world. Or when I'm driving past a bunch of houses...people live in those houses, they have these whole lives and experiences and I don't even know them, but they are living moment to moment just like I am, and their happiness and sadness is unknown to me, but just as important (or unimportant?) in the grand scheme of the world. I feel this way when I'm driving past a playground, and little children are playing, and they are just at the beginning of their lives, and they have parents and siblings and pets and teachers and classmates that I will never know, and all of these people have their own separate lives...I mean, it is really incredible. And a bit overwhelming. There are around 9 million people living in New York City, and that is just one tiny island and the surrounding boroughs. That is insane! I don't know, maybe I just think about this too much, and I'm realizing that it is difficult for me to put it into words without sounding like I'm stoned or something, haha, but I'm not stoned, I'm completely amazed by this, and I urge you to join me in this awe and wonder.

Anyway. I'm delighted to be home in the company of my indescribably fantastic family. A happy holiday season to all, I am going to go join them in eating cheese and playing card games. Mmmmm I love Christmas time.

[amanda]