While a blog post from me is long over-due, tonight I must write because it is my last night in New York City. For now. For a while. These past couple months have been surreal - a mix of being completely and overwhelmingly aware of the finality of this chapter in my life, and an utter loss of understanding and comprehension of the changes around me. I know that I am making these changes happen, and the personal recognition of the power of my own choices is startling. However, no change ever comes with the absence of anxiety and nervousness for the unknown. I am incredibly excited to see where my life will lead as the following days, months, and years unfold. New York has taught me to live day to day, sometimes hour to hour, and when I am more confident, perhaps week to week. I do not know what the future holds, but I know that I have developed more of a trust in myself in these last four years in New York, and I will continue to trust myself as I move forward in this next adventure. I have gained so much here. I have grown. I have cried and laughed and I don't know which one happened the most, but it doesn't matter. I have met people who have changed my life, I have strengthened friendships with old friends. I have done something I have wanted to do since I was nine years old and discovered that it isn't what I want anymore.
I am proud to have called myself a New Yorker for the past four years. I hope that I will always be a bit of a New Yorker. There is a magic to the city that will never lose it's power over me, but there is magic that has been lost as well. Magic lost through knowledge, through experience, and, in the end, through acceptance, and a realization that magic isn't the only component of beauty and happiness.
The rest of my thoughts cannot be formed into words at this time. I am quite full of emotions. Thank you, New York City. I bid you a fond farewell.
[amanda]
