Saturday, January 14, 2012

[i've got somewhere to go, i've got a new road to follow]

I was going to devote an entry to Christmas Traditions at the Carsons...and I started writing about it...but then I realized that the only people who would really appreciate my nostalgic ramblings about holiday tradition are the four people (and the crazy dog) who share the day with me. So I just want to say that I hope 2012 is off to a lovely beginning! And I encourage you to think of the traditions that make you smile, no matter what time of year.

The world is a big place. So many wonderful places to be, so much to explore. It's exciting and overwhelming. How does one go about choosing the best place to be? Many people don't even get to choose. I really love all of the places I've lived throughout my life, but it's impossible to choose a favorite, and to choose whether I want to stay here or move on to another place - or to go back to an old place. I have called seven states my home in my twenty-seven years of life...and they are all special and beautiful and full of possibilities. I wonder if people who move around throughout childhood/early adulthood have an ingrained sense of wanderlust. I just cannot figure out a way to combine my so-called wanderlust with my chronic nostalgia and resistance to change.

I already posted this on my facebook page, but do yourself a favor and watch this video/listen to this song from Ingrid Michaelson's new album, Human Again, which comes out on January 24th (wish it was sooner!). I cannot wait to have those sweet new melodies ringing through my ears. This woman knows how to write beautiful lyrics and music, it would do you well to become a fan (although I'm guessing many of you already are).

So far, I am not doing too badly on my resolution to listen to myself this year. The more I consider the things that I want and try to accept the fact that nothing can be certain, the more relaxed and optimistic I become. I think I am always going to be a "late-bloomer" in many respects, perhaps I'm learning how to embrace that.

I am watching Love Actually right now, already teared up during the opening montage, haha. Pathetic. Although that bitch who cheats on Colin Firth in the beginning really pisses me off. And my lovely roommate and bff is home to watch it with me, so farewell for the moment and I'll write again soon.

[amanda]

title quote: "I Must Go," Late Tuesday, Late Tuesday (scroll down and take a listen from two entries ago!)

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

new year, more thoughts

Happy 2012 everyone! I hope you all had a safe, restful, and fun holiday season. I am heading back to the Big Apple this evening, and while that should be the most exciting thing in the world, my reluctance to leave my friends, family, and cozy house behind is trumping that excitement. I am, however, trying to be a brave adult and think of the people I am thrilled to be able to see upon my return to NYC, and the beautiful places to go that can only be found in the city that never sleeps. This positive attitude alongside my melancholy heart is quite an odd emotional sensation. This will be brief, but I wanted to get a few thoughts out there. The next entry will be a fun exploration of Christmas with the Carsons - a commentary on the many years of celebration and weird traditions in my household.

I am not one for a long list of New Years resolutions. Obviously, there are many things I want to work on, that I want to change or better about myself, but I think that should be started and maintained any time of the year - and changes are difficult. I don't like writing a huge list and feeling guilty about what I haven't done. Haha...that sounds really optimistic... But I have two very important changes, or improvements, I want to make this year, and I think they might be useful to share.

1.) I want to listen to myself. What do I really want? How do I really feel? What makes me happy? What makes me unhappy? Rather than doing what I think everyone else thinks I should do, or feel the way I'm supposed to feel, I need to dig deep and figure out my needs. I am forever worried about being selfish, but I think we all need to be selfish to a certain degree. It does not matter what others think about my life. It is my life. Investing in my own happiness will only make me a better person in mind, heart, and spirit. I need to know what I want without feeling guilty or worried about making mistakes. Making mistakes is inevitable. Believe me, this resolution will be a challenge for me, but I'm hoping for the best.

2.) I want to stop comparing myself to other people. Whether they are people I know, or people I don't know, the only person I can be is me.


That being said (written?), I wish you all a happy and successful start to your new year, and I look forward to more thoughts and reflections as time goes by. Please do not hesitate to comment! I love to know what others are thinking.

[amanda]